And that’s it, I’m here! I am exactly where I dreamed, I would be years ago. Every bad day, every wrong turn, everything life handed me still never put this light out. I finally can see the fiercely tenacious woman standing in front of you but this sure as hell wasn’t easy, at all. I gave up so freaking much in order to get me where I am today. I don’t live, breath, and think like most people and sometimes it gets in my head a bit. I struggle with insecurities as much as anyone else. I just grab ahold of them and face those little fuckers… I mean, after I sat and cried about it for a few days...
After that, I over thought it for days. After that, I tried talking myself out of wanting more. I truly sit with it. I feel every single damn emotion that comes. I honor it. I love it. I am doing the best that I can, while always, always following my heart. No matter how shitty things ever got I can look back, reflect, and see that with every shitty experience I had the most beautify outcome after but first I had to feel. I had to think differently. I had to take my ego out of it and stop asking, why me and quite honestly, I fucking hated it. I saw some of the lowest parts of my life but always, always, always I kept hold of my dreams. They are mine and I will get back up no matter how hard life hits and let me tell you, life hits fucking hard. It can knock me down but I can’t take my spirit, she’s a trickly little shit that won't take no for an answer. Learning how to find myself, learn myself and heal myself has been one of the most adventurous journeys so far. I have had the most beautiful people come, go, and stay and I couldn’t be more grateful for every one of you and all the lessons and blessing that it has brought.
Now, comes the scary part, trusting in the next steps. My god is that scary. I have my kids watching me, my grandson watching me, what if I fail? Those thoughts are real, and they want me to curl up under a blanket and go back to sleep but I wipe the tears from my eyes and I remember…I remember all the times I got back up after a failure. I learned from it. I grew from it. I learned to love parts of myself from it.
I remember all the seeds that I have planted over the years. Now, is my time to sit back and watch them start to sprout. In a perfect world they will all turn into beautiful flowers that I get to love and nurture but I also know that some things may not be as exactly I wished but they will show me a more beautiful event than I could have imagined. I know that with every blessing there is a lesson, even though I don’t really want to learn anymore…but I welcome it with open arms.
It is time for me start to live the dream that has been burning within. I finally get to put down my student hat and pick up my teacher hat. I embrace the future with all the love within my heart and know that it’ll guide me exactly where I need to be. All the kind words, the gestures, the listening ear has helped shape me into the person I am today. I am truly
honored to have you all in my life! Now, I get to enjoy life, switching the focus from school to myself again. Whew, I won’t know what to do with all of the attention.
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